There’s a slight chance your child may rebel against you. Granted you may already know this, but let me tell you that you are doing a good job.
A lot of times, parents doubt themselves and wonder what they’re doing wrong and why their children or child will not listen to them. I was in the position of that 16 year old teenager who wanted to sneak out, go to parties, have boys over, stay out late, etc.
I always snuck out of my windows after locking the doors and kissing mom good night. She caught on after a while because I would never out of the blue kiss and say good night to my parents. I also would tell my parents something like, “I’m going to bed early, I’m getting really tired.” It kept on until I got caught, and police escorted me home. I had to always be home by 8. Never did, however. I always came home about 10 or the latest, midnight. I drove around to places, hung out with friends and had fun. I went to parties that involved alcohol. I was never a weed smoker though, I only went for the drinks.
I hated that my parents would always ask about who I was hanging out with, or where. I hated that they would stand outside, waiting for my arrival, or watch me drive off with my friends and leave. I thought my mom was so annoying when it came to wanting to go to the movies or go to a birthday party at someone’s house. My dad did the punishing and my mother did the lecturing, so I either had one or the other. My dad beat the crap out of me, but I mean “spare the rod, spoil the child,” right? Hell, me and my parents started arguing a lot more, throwing curse words to each other, insults, making each other feel bad. It was terrible! I was that rebellious 16 and 17 year old teen, who didn’t care or didn’t want to. I had a phone, I had a car, I had a job (which means I had money) so I was good.
Are you going through that right now? This is from a daughter’s point of view. A rebellious one. One who was also saved and is doing so much better in life than I have been in the past. I don’t know if you’re a struggling single parent, or parents, and if you don’t know what to do, maybe I can help. I’m no professional, so don’t literally take my word for it, but maybe it’ll assist you and keep you from pulling hairs out or choking someone.
Here’s what you can do about your teenager:
- Don’t play detective. (We hate that crap. Why are you drilling us with questions and interrogating us? Can we trust you to even hold the information we tell you?)
- Don’t criticize. (We want you to listen with the intent of understanding, not the intent of replying. What both parties need to work on is, instead of leading with argument, lead with curiosity. “Oh, I see how you can think that, but let me share with you my opinion, and you can tell me more about yours.”)
- Be supportive. (Remember the shenanigans you and your friends use to do? We’re kids too. Don’t forget y’all did something crazy.)
- Be real. (We hate when parents ask or share details with their friends, because that’s like talking crap behind our backs or something. Telling people information they don’t need to know. Share your concerns and emotions to us. Most of the time we’ll blow it off, but some of us won’t. When things are wrong, tell us, and when things are right, tell us too.)
- Tell us something good. (Conversation is a two way street. Sure ask us about our day, tell us yours. So it doesn’t seem like you don’t care, but you do, but you’re not fake, you’re really concerned….you know what I mean?)
- Offer a cookout for their friends. (My dad has started this thing where once every month, he makes a big pot of noodles for me and my friends, and I’ll invite them over, and we all sit at the table, laugh, eat, have fun, listening to music and telling jokes and at the same time, he knew where I was and would slowly study all of my friends, every time they’d come over.)
- Avoid immediate solutions. (Don’t tell us what we should do and do it now. Listen to where we’re coming from. But that also doesn’t mean don’t voice your opinion. Like, “Oh well, I would probably would’ve done this, but what do you think you should do?”)
- Show interests. (In our music, our dances, our shows, movies, etc., and share moments with us we can always look back on and cherish.)
Face it…nothing that’s going on in the 21st century adolescent culture is quite what it use to be back then. Don’t tell us, “it doesn’t matter what people think,” because it totally does to us. We genuinely believe that people can see and are paying close attention to every mistake we make and that colors their perspectives on us. If we’re going through something, don’t be cliché and say, “you have nothing to worry about, you’re too young to be having problems, it’s okay,” because right now is what matters, and it’s not okay.
Instead, say, “It’s going to get better, and until it does, I’m here for you. Tell me what you need to get through these years, I’ll do my best to help make it happen. I’m your mom/dad, not your friend, and I love you and want the best for you.” None of this means to spoil your child…DO NOT SPOIL YOUR CHILD.
As an 18 year old now, paying bills, working a lot more, and trying to figure out the rest of my life, I regret ever making my parents feel like they weren’t good enough parents. I still have some conflicts and issues with them, but it’s not as bad anymore. If I could take back calling my mom a bitch or my dad an asshole, I would. However, do I regret anything else I’ve done in my life? Hell no. I lived. I did things, I felt the rush and it had me excited. That’s how your child who is rebellious or has been or will be. Especially us girls. I don’t know why, but it’s a challenge with us. Maybe it’s God’s way of giving you the patience you need to work for, or maybe something else.
Whatever you do, do not let her fall for any boy’s tricks. Guys can be the worse. They’ll flirt and flirt and flirt until you think, hey, maybe he likes me, when really, he’s just trying to get into her panties. If he does NOT have the balls to think or say, “I want to meet your parents,” then he may not be the one. This guy should want to have the respect and courage to meet the mother and father of the girl, to tell them, “hey, my name is so and so, and I am one of your daughter’s friends, and I low key like her.” Or somewhere along those lines. She’s going to want to go out with him. Go on dates with him and stay out late. She’ll want more and more of his hugs and kisses, but be careful, because if he’s one of those f-boys, he will lure her at his perfect time and find the perfect spot to him to take something away from her she will never get back. If he doesn’t have the respect or patience to wait, he’s going to leave her and leave her hurt.
Her friends will definitely vouch for her. Maybe her siblings, or other family members, or maybe even the “cool” parent. Most times, that doesn’t happen, but her friends will definitely tell you, “I don’t know,” or “she’s with me.” I did for my best friend all the time. She would ask me to drive her to Grapeland so she could see her boyfriend, (who has been her ex for a while), and we’d do this every other day, if not everyday. If you’re a mom with a daughter, it’s a little easier. If you’re a dad with a daughter, dude, I’m praying for you. Sometimes, they don’t end up doing these things, and some girls do. If you aren’t going through these things with your girls, I’m glad for you and keep it up. If you are, don’t blame yourselves.
She’s going through that phase. You can’t completely stop it, but you can definitely help and try preventing it from going further. I would say talk to your kids, but sometimes we don’t always open up to our own parents. It does take time. It’s hard because y’all are from there, and we’re this whole new generation who do and believe in different things. We’re raised by our parents, but we look at worldly things, making sure we look good and we have something that someone else already has or doesn’t, and we try our hardest to be accepted by everyone. We see people judge gays, trans, colored people, small people, bigger people, and we don’t want that either. We don’t like racists or rapists. There’s so much going on in the world, and we’re just trying to get through school and college so we can start this whole life thing for real.
Jesus..that’s what we need to do…is to FOCUS on Jesus.
We’re little sinners, and are in need in a savior, a guide, and someone to just listen to us, to know and understand. We have to deal with bullshit drama in high school, and all we want to do is have fun and forget all the burdens and troubles in the world. We try our hardest to stay away from home, and that means stay late for work or for extra curricular activities in school. We forget sometimes that our parents aren’t our enemies, but our parents. We forget that you’re only trying to protect us from harm. Protect us from drugs and alcohol, and dangerous people. From boys who want one thing. We’re sorry, and we need you as much as we say we don’t. We love you, as much as we believe we don’t. This is a battle both parents and teens have to go through together, butting heads and disagreeing. A battle that will pass through, and you can’t get through it without God on your side.
So what should you do? Pray about it. Do what you’ve been doing, even if it means turning off their phones or taking their door down. That’s happened to my friends. My parents took the lock off of my door and switched it with a regular knob. Set a family GPS or something on their phones, so you can see where they are. Make a call to someone you completely trust to keep an eye out, and comfort them. I know we think sometimes it’s weird to have parents listen to us vent or something, but without y’all, we wouldn’t even be here to begin with.
One day, they’ll think back on this, and say, “wow, I wouldn’t have made it this far without my parents prayers and them period.” It’s crazy and stupid and ridiculous, yes, but God knows…He’s taking care of you! And y’all make the same amount of mistakes and sins as we do. I’m not an expert on any of this, but speaking from a rebellious teen point, it’ll get better. Trust me. Just don’t ever give up on them…because after being hurt by boys and friends, and being overwhelmed with life, the last thing they need to know is that their parents have abandoned them emotionally, mentally, physically…We’re young, dumb and broke, and just have patience. We need to have patience for y’all too.
You’re doing a good job. You win the best mom and dad award.
One of my biggest fear as an 18 year old now, is that, I might suck at the whole mom thing, once I’m there. Later on, years pass by, and I end up with a child I want to name Logan, girl or boy, I might suck as mom. What if I’m not doing enough or too much? Or, what if I can’t have children and give them what my parents really didn’t me? What people are worried about now, is who’s out there that’s going to harm my child? Who’s the guy who’s about to my sweet girl’s heart? Who’s the ignorant driving at 80mph and forgets to use his blinkers or mirrors, and she’s also on the road? Who’s going to be at this party or concert? What’s going on after school, or is she even there? I know there’s a lot to worry and concern yourself over….but it’s okay. Cut the damn umbilical cord, but don’t let loose of this leash. Know his or her friends. Have them check in or keep up with them. Just don’t let them make the mistake of going to a party they’ll completely regret or meeting someone they wish they never did. Sons too. It’s not always us, right ladies? 😉
So props to y’all. You earn a day to yourself. I can see why we have a mother’s and father’s day. We love you! And God is always here. He knows, and He cares for all of His children…His love is a lot more everlasting and He will guide you where you need to go. He understands this battle is stressful and hard, but He’s won it.
Anyways, praying for you parents and your struggles! We love you moms and dads, and glory to be to God, for He has woken us up to a new day He has made and it’s beautiful, cold and I’m excited for the rest of Fall….
Love you guys,