FAQs

I was born on November 14th.

That makes me a scorpio, and I don’t know what that means.

I’m 5’1″, I weigh 113 pounds, I don’t know how to play solitaire and I’m a sucker for a guy with a nice smile, a good hair cut and a love for Jesus.

I’ve been told that my height is perfect for people to either hug or use as an arm rest on top of my head. I also love chicken and fruit smoothies, a lot. I’ve also been told that I need to work on whispering, because I’m loud where it needs to be quiet and quiet where I should be loud.

Secretly, I get nervous when someone is close enough to smell me, and I have this obsession with putting puzzles together, watching ‘The Office,’ reading the Bible, cooking and binge watching movies. I also have an odd fascination with games like Jenga and watching sunsets, and I think it’s because I usually find myself dedicating time to things that will only last a few moments.

It’s also why I tend to “fall in love,” with guys who will never love me back. I know it sounds stupid and it sounds crazy, but it’s a whole lot easier than it seems and I almost like it that way, because relationships often remind me that I’m not afraid of heights or falling but I’m scared of what’s going to happen when my body hits the ground.

Sometimes I’ll lose consciousness in my legs and will trip over my self-esteem and feel so insecure, I can’t even tell who’s trying to give me a compliment. I’ve also have never been in the military and am incapable of being, but I have this Purple Heart. I got it from beating myself up over things I can’t fix, and I try really hard.

I’m not perfect. I curse when I shouldn’t, I have an ugly laugh, I snort, I have a bad habit of leaving the lights on, in the bedroom, I tend to spend money on irrelevant things like grapes I won’t eat or tea I’ll forget to drink. I always forget to brush my hair, I have one of the worst road rages, and I’m not a pancake person.

Hi. My name is Malane. I enjoy Hi-C pink lemonade, people watching and laughing out of the blue or over something stupid and I am lactose intolerant. I allow myself to cry too much and need to start taking it like a woman. My hobbies involve yoga and wanting to hide under bed sheets because I’m still trying to convince my own shadow that I’m someone worth following and that my past isn’t who I am, I was mocked by my own curtains when they found out who I was behind them, before I knew who Christ was.

I’m not certain of most things, but I’m certain of this:

Heaven will be beautiful. I’m sure it’s full of beautiful music too. God listens to our heartbeats on His iPod playing through His speakers. He has this unique ability to silence all of the distractions and extra voices and knows where we are. He shows up in the midst of our silences and our brokenness to drop a verse that is about to change our lives. He loves us dearly, and invites us to His table. We are called chosen. We are world changers. We are conquerers. We are His children. Broken, blessed and beautiful and I am in awe of Him. 

Thanks to you…

I am me.

You broke me. You tore my heart apart and ripped it to shreds. I first believed in love and because I was hurt so young, I forever will be afraid to love again. Doesn’t mean I won’t. But thanks to you, my fear has grown. My doubts have roamed my thoughts a lot more. My depression sank in deeper. It’s made me, me.

I felt hurt. I felt empty and broken, and kind of still do. You treated me like dog shit, but don’t feel bad, because you weren’t the only one who treated me that way, it was from plenty. I opened myself up and thought you actually cared, and that was my mistake. You shared with me stories I felt privileged and honored to know, because I felt like I could be trusted, you made me feel special. You hurt me, like the way a stone would be thrown to a sea, but did you ever realize how deep that stone could sink?

And all I could dream of is my special place. The place where I could be alone and no one could hurt me. A place where there are no barriers and no one to judge me. It’s where I forget the pain that builds up inside of me, and where I forget about everything and everyone. I can feel the wind blowing through my hair. The grass brushes against my hands like a thousand tiny tetras that come to comfort me. The birds are above me and the sound of rustling leaves are all around me; they are my company. But of course, it’s only comforting for a while..the pain is still there, calling my name.

Oh, how I felt used. How I would think you were such a good friend to me. Then, I had to remind myself every time I thought of you, if you wanted to talk to me, you would. You needed money? I had you. You needed a ride? Sure. You needed an excuse to get away from someone or needed a vouch? I was that person for you. But, did you ever wanted to spend quality time with me? No. You physically, mentally and emotionally hurt me, you even touched me in places I wish I could forget about and not see when I close my eyes, but I can’t…

Thanks to you, I could never let go of what’s made me sad, because blindly I thought it was the only thing that made me happy. I believed in a beautiful lie to stay away from the painful truth. Thanks to you, I cried myself to sleep. I cried in the shower, crouched over, head over knees, listening to music that reminded me of you. I walked on the verge of tears and you had no idea what was going on or what went through my head because you believed me when I told you, “I’m fine. I’m okay. It’s okay.” Thanks to you, I was too scared to open up anymore.

I laugh at how sometimes the people you’d take a bullet for are the ones behind the trigger. How a friendly, or family-like, or romantic relationship could be so beautiful but could hurt you so much. They say sticks and stones may break your bones and words could never hurt you, but the truth is, they do..they hurt a lot, especially the words from the ones who you love most, can hurt you the worst.

Thanks to you, I felt torn, broken, worthless, unloved, and unwanted….

but thanks to you, I found a love everlasting. A love that could never fail. I was saved. Through the times of crying and feeling lost, I found myself praying and seeking hope. Where I felt empty, scared and needed comfort, I was told, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I AM YOUR GOD. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” 

Through the times of weariness and feeling alone, I kept being told I wasn’t. Night after night, I listened to Jesus music and sung myself to sleep. I can’t thank you enough, because if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have given my life up to the One who’s held me all this time, who has saved me from the beginning and has never forgotten about me, when I felt like no one cared an inch. Thanks to you, I stopped looking at man, I stopped looking at my peers, the world and its worldly things, and starting seeking God’s face, seeking His grace, for hope and where I was too scared to trust anyone, I threw all my trust to Him because He cares, deeply and tremendously.

Thank you. Thank you for telling me I wasn’t enough and I was worthless and I shouldn’t have been born, because in those times of darkness, I found light that broke through, and told me I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and altogether beautiful. From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. Every hair on my head, to every scar, mark, curve, my eyes, ears, fingers and toes, I was made in His image, and He calls me beautiful one.

I found joy where you brought me sadness because of His word. I found peace and patience, where you made me angry because of His love. I found truth. Granted, I still felt down. I still have tears rolling down my face as I take in the moments in my day. I still contemplate life and wonder what my purpose is and why I’m still here, alive, and breathing. However, God has blessed me with another day to live in. He’s given me wonderful people that love me and share the same beliefs, that our God is a good God and that He sent Jesus to save us. He shows me what real love is, and that there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain and no more fear. Until then, I’m going to keep giving praise and glory, and tell people all about Him.

Thanks to my ex friends, ex boyfriends, parents, bullies, strangers, etc., you brought me a lot closer to my God, because while running away from you, I ran into something better and far more promising and loving. Something more graceful and wonderful and it brings me so much joy, I could sing and dance and twirl and skip!

Last but not least, is to forgive you. Whether you think you need it or don’t, whether you believe you didn’t say or do anything that’s hurt me, I forgive you, because I was forgiven when I needed it. I’m sorry that someone’s hurt you before too, because it’s not fun. I understand your pain, and I pray that you find some kind of peace and grace in your heart to not hurt someone else like you have me and anyone past me. This wasn’t just to you. This was to everyone who’s ever hurt and felt hurt. Anyone in my life or yours that doesn’t realize how deep that stone can go, and how heavy it weighs on your heart. Though, I pray that God give you the strength you need to go about your day. That He gives you the grace and mercy to forgive those who’s done wrong to you, and that you give Him glory by the amount of love and kindness that shines through you. That if you’re lost, to just give up your life to Him, whether it’s in your room, at church, outside, or wherever you are. He’s here for you, and always has and will be. He knows the hurt, the amount of tears, and worries you have. He asks you to give it to Him because He cares. He wants you. He loves you. He calls you by name and knows your heart more than anyone else.

Go to Jesus. I did it. I’m here. I still struggle with life, but He’s already won. Thanks to you, I was lost, but thanks to God, I am found, and I want to get lost in Him. Thanks to my God, I am me and no one else can be.

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Sincerely, 

Mal

DEAR PARENTS (daughter’s point of view)

There’s a slight chance your child may rebel against you. Granted you may already know this, but let me tell you that you are doing a good job. 

A lot of times, parents doubt themselves and wonder what they’re doing wrong and why their children or child will not listen to them. I was in the position of that 16 year old teenager who wanted to sneak out, go to parties, have boys over, stay out late, etc.

I always snuck out of my windows after locking the doors and kissing mom good night. She caught on after a while because I would never out of the blue kiss and say good night to my parents. I also would tell my parents something like, “I’m going to bed early, I’m getting really tired.” It kept on until I got caught, and police escorted me home. I had to always be home by 8. Never did, however. I always came home about 10 or the latest, midnight. I drove around to places, hung out with friends and had fun. I went to parties that involved alcohol. I was never a weed smoker though, I only went for the drinks.

I hated that my parents would always ask about who I was hanging out with, or where. I hated that they would stand outside, waiting for my arrival, or watch me drive off with my friends and leave. I thought my mom was so annoying when it came to wanting to go to the movies or go to a birthday party at someone’s house. My dad did the punishing and my mother did the lecturing, so I either had one or the other. My dad beat the crap out of me, but I mean “spare the rod, spoil the child,” right? Hell, me and my parents started arguing a lot more, throwing curse words to each other, insults, making each other feel bad. It was terrible! I was that rebellious 16 and 17 year old teen, who didn’t care or didn’t want to. I had a phone, I had a car, I had a job (which means I had money) so I was good.

Are you going through that right now? This is from a daughter’s point of view. A rebellious one. One who was also saved and is doing so much better in life than I have been in the past. I don’t know if you’re a struggling single parent, or parents, and if you don’t know what to do, maybe I can help. I’m no professional, so don’t literally take my word for it, but maybe it’ll assist you and keep you from pulling hairs out or choking someone.

Here’s what you can do about your teenager:

  1. Don’t play detective. (We hate that crap. Why are you drilling us with questions and interrogating us? Can we trust you to even hold the information we tell you?)
  2. Don’t criticize. (We want you to listen with the intent of understanding, not the intent of replying. What both parties need to work on is, instead of leading with argument, lead with curiosity. “Oh, I see how you can think that, but let me share with you my opinion, and you can tell me more about yours.”)
  3. Be supportive. (Remember the shenanigans you and your friends use to do? We’re kids too. Don’t forget y’all did something crazy.)
  4. Be real. (We hate when parents ask or share details with their friends, because that’s like talking crap behind our backs or something. Telling people information they don’t need to know. Share your concerns and emotions to us. Most of the time we’ll blow it off, but some of us won’t. When things are wrong, tell us, and when things are right, tell us too.)
  5. Tell us something good. (Conversation is a two way street. Sure ask us about our day, tell us yours. So it doesn’t seem like you don’t care, but you do, but you’re not fake, you’re really concerned….you know what I mean?)
  6. Offer a cookout for their friends. (My dad has started this thing where once every month, he makes a big pot of noodles for me and my friends, and I’ll invite them over, and we all sit at the table, laugh, eat, have fun, listening to music and telling jokes and at the same time, he knew where I was and would slowly study all of my friends, every time they’d come over.)
  7. Avoid immediate solutions. (Don’t tell us what we should do and do it now. Listen to where we’re coming from. But that also doesn’t mean don’t voice your opinion. Like, “Oh well, I would probably would’ve done this, but what do you think you should do?”)
  8. Show interests. (In our music, our dances, our shows, movies, etc., and share moments with us we can always look back on and cherish.)

Face it…nothing that’s going on in the 21st century adolescent culture is quite what it use to be back then. Don’t tell us, “it doesn’t matter what people think,” because it totally does to us. We genuinely believe that people can see and are paying close attention to every mistake we make and that colors their perspectives on us. If we’re going through something, don’t be cliché and say, “you have nothing to worry about, you’re too young to be having problems, it’s okay,” because right now is what matters, and it’s not okay.

Instead, say, “It’s going to get better, and until it does, I’m here for you. Tell me what you need to get through these years, I’ll do my best to help make it happen. I’m your mom/dad, not your friend, and I love you and want the best for you.” None of this means to spoil your child…DO NOT SPOIL YOUR CHILD. 

As an 18 year old now, paying bills, working a lot more, and trying to figure out the rest of my life, I regret ever making my parents feel like they weren’t good enough parents. I still have some conflicts and issues with them, but it’s not as bad anymore. If I could take back calling my mom a bitch or my dad an asshole, I would. However, do I regret anything else I’ve done in my life? Hell no. I lived. I did things, I felt the rush and it had me excited. That’s how your child who is rebellious or has been or will be. Especially us girls. I don’t know why, but it’s a challenge with us. Maybe it’s God’s way of giving you the patience you need to work for, or maybe something else.

Whatever you do, do not let her fall for any boy’s tricks. Guys can be the worse. They’ll flirt and flirt and flirt until you think, hey, maybe he likes me, when really, he’s just trying to get into her panties. If he does NOT have the balls to think or say, “I want to meet your parents,” then he may not be the one. This guy should want to have the respect and courage to meet the mother and father of the girl, to tell them, “hey, my name is so and so, and I am one of your daughter’s friends, and I low key like her.” Or somewhere along those lines. She’s going to want to go out with him. Go on dates with him and stay out late. She’ll want more and more of his hugs and kisses, but be careful, because if he’s one of those f-boys, he will lure her at his perfect time and find the perfect spot to him to take something away from her she will never get back. If he doesn’t have the respect or patience to wait, he’s going to leave her and leave her hurt.

Her friends will definitely vouch for her. Maybe her siblings, or other family members, or maybe even the “cool” parent. Most times, that doesn’t happen, but her friends will definitely tell you, “I don’t know,” or “she’s with me.” I did for my best friend all the time. She would ask me to drive her to Grapeland so she could see her boyfriend, (who has been her ex for a while), and we’d do this every other day, if not everyday. If you’re a mom with a daughter, it’s a little easier. If you’re a dad with a daughter, dude, I’m praying for you. Sometimes, they don’t end up doing these things, and some girls do. If you aren’t going through these things with your girls, I’m glad for you and keep it up. If you are, don’t blame yourselves.

She’s going through that phase. You can’t completely stop it, but you can definitely help and try preventing it from going further. I would say talk to your kids, but sometimes we don’t always open up to our own parents. It does take time. It’s hard because y’all are from there, and we’re this whole new generation who do and believe in different things. We’re raised by our parents, but we look at worldly things, making sure we look good and we have something that someone else already has or doesn’t, and we try our hardest to be accepted by everyone. We see people judge gays, trans, colored people, small people, bigger people, and we don’t want that either. We don’t like racists or rapists. There’s so much going on in the world, and we’re just trying to get through school and college so we can start this whole life thing for real.

Jesus..that’s what we need to do…is to FOCUS on Jesus. 

We’re little sinners, and are in need in a savior, a guide, and someone to just listen to us, to know and understand. We have to deal with bullshit drama in high school, and all we want to do is have fun and forget all the burdens and troubles in the world. We try our hardest to stay away from home, and that means stay late for work or for extra curricular activities in school. We forget sometimes that our parents aren’t our enemies, but our parents. We forget that you’re only trying to protect us from harm. Protect us from drugs and alcohol, and dangerous people. From boys who want one thing. We’re sorry, and we need you as much as we say we don’t. We love you, as much as we believe we don’t. This is a battle both parents and teens have to go through together, butting heads and disagreeing. A battle that will pass through, and you can’t get through it without God on your side.

So what should you do? Pray about it. Do what you’ve been doing, even if it means turning off their phones or taking their door down. That’s happened to my friends. My parents took the lock off of my door and switched it with a regular knob. Set a family GPS or something on their phones, so you can see where they are. Make a call to someone you completely trust to keep an eye out, and comfort them. I know we think sometimes it’s weird to have parents listen to us vent or something, but without y’all, we wouldn’t even be here to begin with.

One day, they’ll think back on this, and say, “wow, I wouldn’t have made it this far without my parents prayers and them period.” It’s crazy and stupid and ridiculous, yes, but God knows…He’s taking care of you! And y’all make the same amount of mistakes and sins as we do. I’m not an expert on any of this, but speaking from a rebellious teen point, it’ll get better. Trust me. Just don’t ever give up on them…because after being hurt by boys and friends, and being overwhelmed with life, the last thing they need to know is that their parents have abandoned them emotionally, mentally, physically…We’re young, dumb and broke, and just have patience. We need to have patience for y’all too.

You’re doing a good job. You win the best mom and dad award. 

One of my biggest fear as an 18 year old now, is that, I might suck at the whole mom thing, once I’m there. Later on, years pass by, and I end up with a child I want to name Logan, girl or boy, I might suck as mom. What if I’m not doing enough or too much? Or, what if I can’t have children and give them what my parents really didn’t me? What people are worried about now, is who’s out there that’s going to harm my child? Who’s the guy who’s about to my sweet girl’s heart? Who’s the ignorant driving at 80mph and forgets to use his blinkers or mirrors, and she’s also on the road? Who’s going to be at this party or concert? What’s going on after school, or is she even there? I know there’s a lot to worry and concern yourself over….but it’s okay. Cut the damn umbilical cord, but don’t let loose of this leash. Know his or her friends. Have them check in or keep up with them. Just don’t let them make the mistake of going to a party they’ll completely regret or meeting someone they wish they never did. Sons too. It’s not always us, right ladies? 😉

So props to y’all. You earn a day to yourself. I can see why we have a mother’s and father’s day. We love you! And God is always here. He knows, and He cares for all of His children…His love is a lot more everlasting and He will guide you where you need to go. He understands this battle is stressful and hard, but He’s won it. 

Anyways, praying for you parents and your struggles! We love you moms and dads, and glory to be to God, for He has woken us up to a new day He has made and it’s beautiful, cold and I’m excited for the rest of Fall….

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Love you guys,

Mal

Broken Together

Hey what’s up, y’all..

How are you? I like your shirt. My days are fair to partly cloudy, maybe a little cloudier. My mind has literally been racing and my heart has been heavy. You know, those days where you sit around and contemplate everything, thinking, “what am I doing,” “where am I?” “what’s going on?” These if’s, and’s or what’s and hows, fill your mind with all this doubt and you have no idea where to go from there.

I feel exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. It’s like all I do is just go through the motions, and it’s the same. I’ve felt so alone lately, like it’s the whole world against me. I hope you understand what that feels like. Could you relate? Almost like feeling okay, laughing and joking through the day, but then suddenly falling into this depressing mood where you don’t know what to feel.

Have you ever felt tired? Telling someone you’re okay, and they completely take your word for it, but somewhere inside you says, “no wait, I’m not, but…” It’s stupid really. Tired. Fatigued. Exhausted. Of getting hurt. Of being let down. Of the lies, of caring too little, caring too much or not at all. Tired of holding things in and feeling broken, damaged, worthless, never being good enough and always in pain. Being judged for everything you do or have done. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of these things. Tired of all of these flaws and insecurities, of trying and getting my hopes up. Being treated like shit and being myself.

I’ve been having a lot of bad days lately and sometimes it all gets a little too much…I don’t know how to feel about it, and again, I’m sad. I disappoint myself. I feel like I could be better or do better, and sometimes I feel like, maybe if I go to bed faster, I’ll fall asleep before I start falling apart. It sucks feeling alone. I feel broken.

Have you ever felt broken?…

Well…Jesus then said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” He’s close to the brokenhearted and He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. He says, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Whatever you got going, I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s college, work, a break up, a divorce, family issues, your parents or children..maybe you’ve been abandoned by your friends or you’re going through financial issues. The Lord will hold you close. He loves you. He knows. He’s with you everywhere you go and He wants to comfort you. Hand your burdens to Him. I know it’s hard or you might think, “what’s the point?”

The point is, when no one is physically there for you, or no one is there to comfort you when you need it, or the person you care about most has hurt you, He will ALWAYS be there. Yes, it helps to physically have someone to hug or hold, and to cry on while they listen to you and tell you they love you and it’s okay, but what are you going to do when no one is there to do that? Cry in bed? To sleep? No….don’t yet…PRAY ABOUT IT. Talk to Jesus, because He cares. He loves you. He cries with you. And your Father will never leave nor forsake you. The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He RESCUES them from all their troubles. 

I should probably do the same, and it is hard to do so. Sometimes, feeling sad makes you forget to see the bigger picture and the good. I’ll pray for you, but could you pray for me? They say it only takes a little faith to move a mountain, so have a little faith. Faith as little as a mustard seed can MOVE mountains. God is bigger than any problem or mountain you face. I hate feeling down in the dumps and I’m sure you’ve been there or are going through that now, and I think we can get through it together. Jesus loves us. He gave His life up for us and saved us. He rose again, justified, freely forever. He isn’t going to leave us where we are. He’s providing and guiding and loving us as we keep taking steps.

If you need any prayers or just want to talk, totally email me or hit me up!
I pray you have a fantastic, beautiful and wonderful week…and don’t worry…He’s already won your battle. You can get through it, even if it hurts like hell. Sorry this blog was super short. Again, please send prayers, and of course I’ll always be praying for you. Jesus loves you!

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Love you guys,

Mal

FALL FESTIVITIES (Dates, plans, ideas, etc.)

Hey what’s up, y’all!?

It is UGG season! The leaves are just about to turn into those beautiful red and orange colors, the cold is picking up a little more and most everyone is excited for Halloween! Personally, I’m excited for the beauty that will “fall” right in front of me. *ba dum tis*

Anyways, Summer is fantastic, but come this time, there’s so much to do! I also think Fall is the most romantic season of the year! The cute dates, cuddling, hot chocolate sharing, scary movie fun. So here below, is a list of dates, plans, ideas you could do with your girlfriend/boyfriend!

SO HERE IS MY LIST OF THINGS Y’ALL COULD DO FOR

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  1. Go to a local/out of town pumpkin patch. (Those places are so much fun. I took my baby niece and brother to one out of town last year, and they had a blast!)
  2. Grab some coffee. (Super simple, yet also nice. Get out, get off your phones, and actually communicate.)
  3. Plan a nice picnic. (For certain places, the temperature is just right. It’s not too hot, not too cold, not too humid. Make some pb & j sandwiches, bring some water or juice, and don’t forget to bring a book! Read it together or something, or you could do like a bible chat.)
  4. Go window shopping. (It’s always fun going to a big store like IKEA where you could risk getting lost and never to be found, or a strip mall and just try on clothes for fun, sit on couches and imagine or even playing with the toys.)
  5. Carve pumpkins. (I love carving pumpkins! Especially with others, because then you can tease them about the way they carve or whatever.)
  6. Watch movies. (You can go out to the movies, a drive-in, or even at home! Write a list of movies you both would enjoy, rip them individually and put them in a jar and one of y’all draw a movie to watch. Cuddle on the couch with some hot popcorn, cookies, drinks, and enjoy the movie!)
  7. Jam sessions. (Play an instrument? Have a jam session! Don’t play an instrument? Play some music and dance and sing! Be joyous!)
  8. Work Out Daily. (I don’t know about y’all, but working out to me has become a habit. I absolutely hate running, but I try to do so. But I enjoy other workouts like legs, core, etc., and yoga!)
  9. Cuddle in bed. (read. draw. count each other’s fingers. laugh. kiss. whatever, lol.)
  10. Go out to eat. (Find a restaurant you both enjoy and also can afford and eat some delicious chicken.)
  11. Get mani/pedi’s. (There is NO SHAME in a man when he gets a pedi. Girls like looking at pretty feet, not some nasty ass, dead skin lookin..)
  12. Haunted Houses. (Go visit some haunted houses! It’s thrilling, fun, exciting, scary…)
  13. Bonfire/S’mores/Cookout. (Chilly weather calls for fires to warm up and cuddle by. You can even invite friends and laugh and have a wonderful time!)
  14. Cook/Bake together. (Make caramel apples, bake your favorite pies, whip up some good ass chicken.)
  15. Go to the Fair. (You can ride the Ferris wheel together and watch as the sun sets, and the sky is painted orange, pink, periwinkle and purple. Play games and share a big pretzel. I know this one is a little pricey, but not only is it the fair you should be looking forward to, but the car ride there…make it fun!)
  16. Have a fall photo shoot. (If you or your other owns a camera, use it, or use your phone. Dress up. Look cute. Take photos.)
  17. Go to a football game. (Be sure to dress in layers and bring an umbrella in case it may rain, depending on the weather. Also, cheer on your team!)
  18. Make a cheap gift basket to bless someone with. (One of my favorite places to go is the Dollar Tree because everything is literally a dollar. Really. No kidding. I mean, including tax, but if you have never been to the Dollar Tree, everything is literally a dollar. Beat that Dollar General. Anyways, you can pick out a cute little basket you use to put toiletries, and throw in some candy, some socks, a toothbrush, toothpaste, snacks, and even some cream or lotion. Give it to someone who’s been on your heart for a while, or even a homeless man or woman. Bless someone together and glorify God that way.)
  19. Face paint. (When y’all are bored, and have nothing to do, pick up some paint and some brushes or find some, and paint each other’s faces. Create art on each other’s bodies…it’ll be messy, but fun!)
  20. Bible study / Talk about JESUS.  (Last but not least of course, talk about Jesus. One of the most attractive traits in a man to me, is his love for God. Share your thoughts and have interesting discussions about the Bible.)

So there you have it, guys! Most of it is kind of cheesy and some might involve money. The most expensive here is probably going to the fair and mani/pedi’s, and haunted houses. Some fair, and some free. I really hope you look into these and try them! Spend time with each other, and bring friends if you want! Don’t forget to ALWAYS BE SAFE.

Love you buckets,

Mal

Insecurities Suck!!! 

“But you are not like that, for you are a CHOSEN people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of the darkness into His wonderful light.” (1 Peter 2:9 NLT)

INSECURITIES SUCK!!! It’s a voice lingering, often times telling us we’re not enough. Some days it’s not so bad, but those days where we look into the mirror and agree to ourselves, “yes, you are not enough,” that’s when insecurities start eating us up inside.

It’s also a mental illness that can even cause us to physically harm ourselves, which is where it gets more serious. It could also literally be anything like the following:

  1. “I hate my body.”
  2. “I hate my skin.”
  3. “I can’t stand the way I sound.”
  4. “I wonder if he’s going to call me back..”
  5. “What if she falls out of attraction for me?”
  6. “What if I don’t get the job?”

And this list can go on and on and it’ll never stop eating us alive inside, controlling our minds and whispering fears into us to the point of not going out without makeup on, or ordering a low calorie meal when you really want to enjoy a burger, or stopping yourself from going into a job interview because you’re afraid to embarrass yourself. It’s in relationships, careers, school, etc.

One of my personal insecurities would have to be physically my size. I hate being short, and I also hate the size of my thighs. I also fear about college in the future because I really want to go for children’s ministry and I feel like I won’t be able to make it because I’m not good enough. I also am very insecure in relationships. My best friend has insecurities, my co-workers and guys that I know.

Now let’s get back to the verse from above. To break it down, He calls us CHOSEN. He loves us dearly and calls us beautiful, wonderful, He calls us His masterpieces and possessions, He calls us HIS CHILDREN. We belong to Him. It’s so simple yet so powerful. To know that we belong to such a loving God, who I’m pretty sure jumps high in excitement when we call His name or when He thinks of us. It makes me giggle and dance and wriggle my fingers and toes when I think of my God, thanking Him and praising Him. Our insecurities may be big, but our God is so much BIGGER. Our minds might tell us we aren’t enough, but He says we are more than ENOUGH and WORTHY. He cares for us, dearly….and the hope in Him that can comfort us all, can cast all of that fear away.

I know you’re thinking how hard it is to tell your mind to stop, but it’s also helpful to seek God’s face in the process. You have to TRY! I assure you, you take one step and Jesus will take ten for you. It’s also a faith process and having faith as little as a mustard seed will definitely take you somewhere. He will provide and guide and He wants you to share the goodness of Him. Shout it and scream it from the mountains that HE IS GOD and HE IS GOOD. He brought us out of the darkness and into the light. He doesn’t want us to mope and whither away, destroying our own bodies because we think we can make ourselves better because we’re the best He’s made us to be. It’s the most beautiful thing to know that we’re one of the most beautiful creatures on this planet He has created. Yes, we are sinful, yes we are stupid and do stupid things, and it’s okay to be insecure because it’s only human. I mean, if we weren’t insecure about ourselves, we’d only claim to be perfect, but the thing is, Jesus is the only perfect one here. However, don’t let your insecurities be the death of you.

Don’t let it stop you from striving to reach your goals and going to college. Becoming someone to inspire many and do not let it tell you who you are, because you ARE a child of God, you ARE a worthy child, you ARE chosen, you ARE called, loved, wonderful, cherished, and there’s so much more to you than you really think. You are you, and the ONLY ONE who can be you. That’s what makes you special and unique. Share the goodness of God and remember that you are loved. Our words can do so much damage and harm to others, just imagine what it could do to ourselves. Speaking of others, don’t forget to love them too, regardless how you feel about them. You’re not sharing God’s goodness by being judgmental. Stop being petty, throwin’ slugs and THROW SOME LOVE.

I love you guys. I hope y’all feel loved today and every day from here on out. Have the most fantastic and blessed week and be safe!

Love yourself.

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Love, Mal

Pray For VEGAS

Hey what’s up, y’all.

So I know a lot of you are still pondering over the events that have happened in Vegas, and I really can’t say much about it because I don’t know as much as I should, however, I do know this:

There will be healing. What has happened, was awful and still is. I mean, people can’t even go to concerts or have fun anymore, living life and being with friends or families because of fear. Honestly, I believe that our generation, if Jesus hasn’t already come by then, will have children one day and THAT will be one of OUR biggest fears, is to tell our children, “no you cannot go to the concert or spring break festival or New Years party, because of so on. . . .” and I personally don’t want to have a child in this world who will grow up to know such monstrosities and think, “wow mom, that happened like years ago, people aren’t like that anymore, you never let me do anything,” when in reality, it never stopped. There’s always evil people in this world, BUT there is always good people too. 

And those good people, such as the ones I’ve seen in viral videos from the actual Vegas attack, took strangers who were alone at the concert and said, “come with us.” The people who weren’t a part of the concert, lined up this morning, were there to donate blood. The people who died, saving someone else’s life at the concert. Those are the GOOD people; and if we’re giving into fear, then we’re only letting the people who did all of this win. I know you’re thinking, “Mal, the first reaction is to be scared, how could you not?” Well of course, I’d be scared too in that situation. In fact, it’s okay to be scared or fearful, but right now, there are people out there who either want to help you or need help from you. Don’t let such fear keep you from being healed and helping others.

As Christians, one of the ingredients of our lives and what we are also called to do, is to be a risk taker and to pull people from the fires. Be a light in this dark world. Love others when love is a rare thing to be found nowadays. Seek God’s face, and He will heal you. Jesus said, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NLT)

Yes, today’s blog is short and very late, but before I leave, please close with me with a prayer!

Dear God, our country needs You. Lord, we lift up those who are close to and affected by the situation in Vegas. God, surround these people with believers in their place of businesses or homes, to help those who don’t know yet the hope in You that can heal them. God, some will question how You could let this happen and some will seek Your face. But Jesus, there is hope for all, in You. Come near us. I pray that they seek You and find Your face and that You give them peace that passes all understanding. God, be our peace as we deal with this as a nation, and give us wisdom to turn back to You so You can heal our land. 

Lord, we love You, we thank You, we praise You, and it’s in Jesus’s name we pray, amen. 

Las-Vegas

Don’t forget to listen to the new song this week! Heartbeat by Lincoln Brewster….and I really think that those, who are going through this burden and situation, need to hear it. Everyone go get you some Jesus!!!

Have a great rest of the week, guys!

Love, Mal.

Who Am I ?

Hey guys, welcome to my blog! My name is Mal, so if you haven’t met me yet, you’re one of the lucky ones.

Just kidding…I don’t think I’m that bad…I hope…but ANYWAYS, 

BEFORE READING ON, PLEASE LISTEN TO THE SONG OF THE WEEK. IT’S A HUGE MESSAGE TO THIS BLOG.

(Splinters and Stones – HILLSONG)

I’ve had a lot of really encouraging messages, texts, emails, sent to me lately and there’s these questions asked by most of them…

“you’re always smiling and so joyful, how do you do it?”

“how are you not mad?”

“how do you get over this … ?”

That’s a good question, and I’ll tell you how through a little walk down what I call,

‘My Life.’

There was a point in my life where I thought to myself, what “good” is there in my future? I’m not smart. I’m not talented. I’m just plain old Jane. Me. Malane. I thought even, there was no point in trying in school or going to college because out of me and my siblings, I was the dumb ass. Still am, but not the point.

And till this day, and everyday that I live and breath, I think to myself, “I’m still here.”

I grew up in a home where God did not exist. I didn’t know who God was at the time, and my parents raised me Buddhist, along with my little brother. It was a strict home, and I didn’t have many friends to ever hang around with. By the time of my teenage years, I seemed know God, but not get to KNOW God. I couldn’t STAND my parents either. Everyday we were always arguing about school, or extracurricular activities, because at the time, school was the safest and most fun place for me to be. I didn’t have friends to go out with, I didn’t drive, I hated being at home.

Surrounded by either silence or hateful slurs. “You’re stupid. You’re ugly. You’re a disappointment. You’re a bitch. You’re embarrassing.” I have to admit, I’ve said some ugly things myself. Some of those words led to being threatened or beaten. Saying nothing at all led to being treated like shit and even threatened. Now my parents aren’t like this anymore, so don’t try to call me up or anything…in fact we don’t talk much, or at all, but I STILL LOVE THEM REGARDLESS

I became depressed during high school. I hated the fact that I didn’t want anything to happen to my parents, even though they were hurting me emotionally, verbally, physically. I did what most of us has done. Cut myself, starve myself, lay in bed miserably feeling sorry for myself because I believed I was this fat, dumb bitch, who didn’t know how to impress her parents, who couldn’t be loved and was always scared to open up to anyone. Have I ever relapsed? Yes, a bunch of times too many. Me wanting to know whether or not there was a God, I tried praying. I cried. It was as if, I was drowning in my own tears, fears and failures and while drowning, I had people standing there refusing to save me, and I needed a SAVIOR. Thinking about it now still makes me tear up. I wanted out, I wanted out, I wanted out of that house, away from the negatives and the only thing that kept holding me back was my little brother. Naive, sweet and innocent Ben.

I did end up moving out for about half a year, and then shit happened between me and my best friend’s family and it didn’t work out. It also took a lot of grace and forgiveness out of each other to find peace in our hearts and our minds.

So when people ask me questions like, “how did you do it?” “you’re always so happy, do you ever get sad?” Yes. I do. I’m not perfect. I makes tons and tons of mistakes. I get mad and curse. I get sad and wail while I cry. I’ve hurt myself more while I was getting hurt. I was sexually assaulted by boys in middle school and high school. Girls made fun of me too. Everyone thought I was seeking attention, when in reality, I was crying for help but I was too scared to accept it due to what kind of consequences there could’ve been.

But I did it.

I did it through prayer. Through getting to KNOW God. Through the girls, whom one of them became my most best friend. Through school and aiming for graduation. Through my little brother. Yes, I am still a sad person sometimes…but I look at where I am now, and I have a job, I know some wonderful people, I attend church services online or just bible studies with friends, I am eating more and healthier too, I’ve learned from my mistakes and am now trying to go to college for Children’s Ministry. I created this blog to uplift and encourage people. To explain that Jesus died for our sins and not our humanity. We’re human and that’s okay. We just need to practice to be “like Jesus.”

I know it feels like it’ll take forever to get there, and maybe you don’t believe in God to hold on long enough, but wait. Because what if a girl who is in your shoes, needs you one day? She doesn’t know you, but she’s praying for you. To tell her “it will be okay,” when she believes it isn’t. I mean, obviously we can’t make promises that it is okay at the moment, but IT WILL BE. Life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. Even the happiest of people have battles they’ve struggled with or are still struggling with.

God only knows and He will always know. Every tear you’ve cried, every prayer, every word. He LOVES you SO much. There isn’t anything in the world stopping Him from loving you and caring for you, that He asks you to come to Him.

I know there’s a place you belong, where you’ll see the fullness of love. Like a child face to face with my God lost in His awesome wonder. While you wait, you shouldn’t be afraid. Let your faith remain all the same because the hope not yet seen will be FOUND in the greatest of these.

I love you. To those struggling financially, physically, mentally, etc., I want you to know that Jesus loves you. He has already won your battle. Look up. Look up and tell the world WHO you are. If you’re dealing with bullying, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, a mental disorder, whatever it is, YOU WERE MADE TO BE. You were made to be loved. To be cared for. You were called to do good things and love others the way He loves us. Don’t ever be afraid or concerned, and cast all of the dark thoughts away, all your worries to Him.

He isn’t physically here, which, at the time where I knew God and wanted more of Him, it was hard dealing with depression and wanting a hug. Wanting HIS shoulder to cry on. For Him to literally be in front of me and talk to me. But I can promise you that He is there. And I hope that through your darkest times, you can hear the gentle and loving whisper. His voice. When He speaks to you. If you take ONE step, God will take TEN.

Do. Not. Give. Up.

I hope you understand why I asked you to listen to Splinters & Stones by Hillsong before reading this, and if you haven’t, you still can now. My favorite lines are the chorus: All this time
Like a river running through my failure
You carried me all this time
Like the splinters buried in Your shoulders
Your love carried all my shame
Jesus how my soul will praise You
You carried me all this way
Like a diamond in the scars upon
Your crown You carry me now

Hope it speaks to you like it does me!

Love you guys, 

Mal

SHORT REMINDER

Good morning! 

As I was driving, listening to worship music in my car, I was thinking about you, and that if you ever need anything, want to talk or just need to vent, I’m here for you! I forget that I have a contact page, and I’m happy to pray for you and with you. And the best part, is that GOD knows and will listen to you. He loves you so much! 

So I pray that today, you have the strength and comfort and courage to take on the day because you are CHOSEN, LOVED, WONDERFUL, MADE TO BE, and CALLED. I love you! Have a fantastic weekend! ❤️

INSPIRATION vs. INFLUENCE

HELLO AND WELCOME TO TODAY’S BLOG!

(FOR A VIDEO VERSION OF THIS BLOG, CLICK THE LINK HERE:

INSPIRATION vs. INFLUENCE

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My name is Mal, and I will be serving you today by sharing with you an important message that may or may not help you. Before, I do that, let me just tell you that you are awesome, and I’ve been absolutely BUSY with work, chores, people, and the drama of life.

I also posted a recent encouragement video last week, if you haven’t seen it, please click the link down below! We’ll play 7 minutes in Heaven!

Mooving on!

Let’s talk about INSPIRATION. Who in your life inspires you? Your mom? Your dad? What about your teachers, coaches, celebrities or friends? The word ‘inspiration’ means to mentally stimulate one to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.

Now, let’s talk about INFLUENCE. There’s good and there’s bad influences, right? But you never actually hear the words, “bad inspiration.” The word ‘influence’ means the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone.

To me, one carries more of an uplifting definition whereas the other one sounds more timid or submissive. ESPECIALLY when you get to the deeper meaning of influence, which lines itself to MANIPULATION. And who wants to be manipulated, or used?

The most manipulated people in the world right now, are either children or young adults, as far as being influenced. Let’s take “crowd mentality” for example. It’s the practice of thinking or making decisions as a group in a way that DISCOURAGES inspiration or individual responsibility. So why do I bring this up? Because God wants you to know, that manipulation is evil. It’s bad. You wouldn’t want to be manipulated, or used, so why would you do someone or some people that way? It’s like a relationship where the girlfriend or boyfriend would manipulate their significant other into buying them gifts or taking them out.

Some of us ALLOW ourselves to be manipulated, due to being biased to the person or because of some kind of relationship, OR even some desperate need for attention. There’s many reasons why we allow ourselves to be manipulated. It’s like we’re wanting some type of acceptance or truth. And influence and manipulation are just a terrible substitutes to INSPIRATION. You want to inspire someone and to BE inspired by someone. Not to be an influence, honestly, that sounds like a insult. Your mom says, “your friends are a bad influence on you,” or she could say, “I’m happy they inspire you.” The most important ingredient of this, to determine whether it’s manipulation, influence, or inspiration, is often the TRUTH within those circumstances and not how you FEEL. Ask yourself where is there TRUTH in any of those three. Someone could start a rumor or lie about someone else in school, at your job, in your church, through media, in town, anywhere and anyhow so that they feel small. To scold them, make them feel worthless and embarrass them, perchance even ruining their reputation. HOW would you feel about them? After hearing what someone else has claimed to know? After listening to stories, after stories, details changing, places, time, and with whom. Would you believe them? Where has the influence led you? Don’t CLAIM to not want to be a part of DRAMA, when the second you agree or even tell someone else what you heard, YOU ARE A PART OF THAT DRAMA.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY JOB AT DENNY’S. There’s this regular customer who comes in with her husband and son. The cutest little family I’ve ever seen in my life. The woman we call ‘mama,’ I’ve never met a more inspirational woman at my job. The way she uplifts our servers, calling us beautiful and cute, and the way she supports us. One of my use to be co-workers is in process of a divorce and mama has supported her since. That’s not just inspirational, but it’s also love. She cares, truly and deeply about people, who as for me, use to be a stranger, and now every time she comes in, my day lights up! Sometimes when you talk about who inspires you, it starts to become a touchy subject, SO IF I’M CRYING FAST FORWARD. Like my best friend….she’s not this influence to me, she’s an inspiration. She’s hilarious. She lifts spirits up and everything about her is just so heart warming. OBVIOUSLY she can be a bitch at times, but that’s only because we bitch at each other over stupid things.

Who inspires you? Who makes you feel like you can do anything, even when you feel like nothing? When you’re scared and they push you further and help you reach your goals! Teachers and principals do that to students, pushing them and inspiring them to go further. It’s when you’re alone, and that person is the one you can text or call and know that they’ll be there. They say uplifting things to you and to other people. You can always have more than one person to inspire you.

Don’t be that person to influence your friends, or family, your group, club or “crowd”, to do something that isn’t graceful. If you’re mad at someone, and tell your best friend or friends, “don’t talk to them because I don’t like them,” what are you doing? Or to slightly hint and MANIPULATE others into doing something without even suggesting them the idea. LEAD with LOVE. with GRACE. Don’t follow your FEELINGS, follow what God wants, what God has called us to do. Don’t let anger, frustration and revenge GET in the way of the BIGGER picture. Of what matters most. If you ever hear something you’re not sure about, ask questions. Why are we so scared to offend people with questions? It’s genuine. It’s pure. It doesn’t smell like bull shit. It brings more people together instead of driving them apart, diving and influencing the worst. God loves us, let us love thy neighbor. Forgiving is a big part of it as well. Obviously it doesn’t happen in a second, but it’s a start. Feelings may be there, but even our own feelings can manipulate us. Sometimes you just gotta look up, and stick to the actual TRUTH.

So I want to challenge YOU, to go INSPIRE someone, or some people. Lead with LOVE and GRACE and MERCY. What would Jesus do? Exactly what He has done. You may feel like you’re not an inspiration, but tell those feelings to back off, tell Satan, “not today,” and KNOW that you are an inspiration.

So I pray that, God give you wisdom to know the difference between influence and inspiration. That the TRUTH will be that dividing line in your heart. and for those who have been manipulated and hadn’t realize until now, that God’s grace and mercy fill you up, and that you show forgiveness to those people. Lord, let us be more like you everyday. Amen.

I love you guys,

Mal